I Pity You on Resurrection Day

So if you have noticed, I start and/or end with a quotation that I ponder and build off of. Well let me tell ya, today there is not an intellectual in the world that can create a quotation adequate enough to explain my experience today. So, I'll just begin by quoting people I heard from today:

"You want to be a lawyer? [I reply by saying yes] He chuckles. I pity you." 

                            - Public Defender Paul Rathbun

"Ma'am do you have a legal objection to admitting this evidence?" The woman responds, "Yeah! He's lyin' and sleepin' with that girl from the oval winda."

And my personal favorite -- "His sister is dating outside da race in front of MY children!"

I will put each of these quotations in context by adressing the first and then the second and third together. You're in for a treat because that case was so good I had to reenact it. 

Public Defender, great guy. Very down to Earth. He told his client that most people who are caught with their drug-selling boyfriend will use their body to buy from their significant other and she said, "Ok, I'll definitely remember that." ?!!!!!???!!?? Anywho, today was my first initial appearance (IA) [the first phase I described yesterday]. Well today we met with about 50 different delinquents it was all quiet boring until Ms. 14-year-old, 3 months pregnant, snorting cocaine because it "won't hurt the baby," rolls in handcuffed because she ran away from her detox home. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case. Y'all provide your own commentary to that hot mess....

Moving on.. Remember when I talked about the juxtapositions of law? Well it hit me today that the biggest and most bizarre combination in court has to be the oath. The pilgrims, or so I was taught, (but you really can't trust your elementary text books because they still teach that Christopher Columbus discovered America. That man didn't do anything but reveal his geographical stupidity) that they worked hard for the separation of church and state. Yet, LOOK we are making people swear under a God that they may or may not believe in. What would have happened if we put Osama Bin Laden on trial? Do we change the words to Allah? Didn't think so. 

Now, for the special. It was so special it made it to my facebook status! Today I got to shadow a well respected and feared FEMALE judge today :) and today she was to oversee proceedings in divorce court. Never in my life, have I held in so much laughter and was baffled to the point..well just wait. Today we saw the case (I'm going to name it Case Lollipop [that's currently playing on my itunes and I will be changing it] so to protect myself from this crazy woman and not to talk about things that I may not have permission to talk about) Lollipop, with Mrs. Lollipop as the Plaintiff and Mr. Lollipop and the Defendant. They got married in 1989 and separated in 2008....Right I know what you're thinking, this case has been carried out for three dog-on years. Well that's because Mrs. L refused to split up the marital property. Throughout this case, I will be offering you lessons that I have learned today:

First, DO NOT represent yourself if you literally do not know a damn thing about the law. Mrs. L, heaven help her, but seriously, help her, came to the court room willing to represent herself [well I heard later, her former lawyer couldn't work with her]. So we heard her testimony first, seeing as she was the plaintiff. These are some of the things she had to say: (note none of the people were wearing hijabs, but I brought a bunch of scarfs down here and this was the only way I would ever wear them this summer)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k005QzZZF1c

And trust me the judge had to keep repeating that the defendant's attorney's objection would be sustained because the matter of their children was settled in a final agreement prior to the trial.

Second, if you want to get a leg up with the judge do not interrupt in any way, especially not her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81zJ4bNMa88

The defense testimony continued by submitting 8 pieces of evidence about the property, proved that it was marital property that can be split up in the agreement, and the financial standing. Mrs. Lollipop, of course, refused to submit anything of the sort because "he ain't getting nothing!" (Basically she thought that if she changed the deed from being under her name to her mother's, that he couldn't get any of the land. Which brings me to my next lesson.

3) Sorry Austin, but resisting positive law on moral grounds doesn't work in this world. I would say the best part of the trial was the mother's 35 minute testimony (she was also considered a party in the case because the land was deeded to her; she also represented herself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXZTbUNQKQA

I guarantee that the real life version was much better, but I think this will suffice for now. I'm sure you either got a kick out of the testimony or just my acting. Basically the judge split it 60/40, 60 going to the woman because it was her family owned property. But this lady was asked to get a psychological examination because she is mentally ill clearly. Let me know what you think of the reenactments. Tomorrow back to the juveniles. P.S when the defendant’s lawyer requested for a restraining order an asked his client if he thought that she would abide by it, she shouted no i won’t….haha!

I leave you with this: 

"Many of life's circumstances are created by three basic choices: the disciplines you choose to keep, the people you choose to be with [Mr. Lollipop learned that one today], and the laws you choose to obey."

                        - Charles Millhuff